Av Hilde Amundsen, founder Mindfit app
You may have very different thoughts and feelings about yourself as a person, and about yourself in specific roles – as a parent, a partner or a friend, or in how you cope with your work life.
It can be more important for us to have a sense of mastery in some areas, or to have good feelings about what we do, while in other areas it may not be as important to us. It is different for different people. We are influenced by our own inner voice and our experience of how we cope, in addition to the feedback we get from the environment around us.
Not feeling good enough?
We have good and bad days, and it is quite common for our self-esteem to fluctuate from day to day or from situation to situation. One day we may think that everything is going great – I can deal with this, while the next day we may feel more uncertain. These swings are completely normal.
We now have easier access to compare ourselves with others, and in that way we may also become a little more critical of our own performance?
We are also influenced by our previous life experiences. These experiences, both good and bad, help to form the basis of how we think about ourselves in different situations. This influences our behavior, because we bring these physical experiences with us when we encounter similar situations later in life.
Experience and mastery
I have always heard that I am “extremely good at driving,” even from when I first started taking driving lessons. I have also felt that I have mastered this skill quite well. This message has affected me and my self-esteem when it comes to driving. I have also amassed a lot of positive experiences that confirm that I am good at it.
What if I had not had such a good start as a driver? What if my driving teacher had told me that I was a weak driver, might I have become a more uncertain and poor driver? Driving might have also been turned into something very difficult for me.
This is an example of how you and your surroundings can help determine if you have a positive or negative experience in relation to mastery.
What you think about yourself influences your life!
We can learn to change how and what we think about ourselves in different situations. Confidence and self-esteem are perishable items and must be taken care of.
Positive things are often overlooked, and it is much easier to be negative.
Focusing on positive experiences is important in helping you to learn how to develop your sense of mastery, so that you are better able to deal with both the positive and negative things that happen in your life. In doing this, you will see what energizes you in your daily life, so that you become more aware of your priorities and what you want spend more time doing – and will be more satisfied with your life.
Positive versus negative experiences
I would like to share excerpts from some of the feedback we have received from satisfied Mindfit users, which illustrates just how effective this approach can be –focusing on positive experiences rather than the negative.
“A few years ago I worked as an IT consultant and took calls from frustrated employees. I felt like there were a lot of angry customers! It ruined my day.
But then I started to keep a record of the feedback I got, on two lists. One was for the grumpy, angry people, and the other was for the positive, friendly, patient and pleasant people. Guess which list had the most people first? Yes, the list with the friendly people! By a very large margin.
Something also happened with my focus as I kept these records. I learned to see how many nice customers we had. And they were so amazing! My experience means I know that this technique works. It’s a trick that teaches people to look at what gives them the energy and joy to go forward with life. For that reason, I bought Mindfit the moment I found out about it. The Mindfit method has helped me to find something to focus on – the things I have mastered. It helps me see, in a concrete way, what I have achieved, it’s fantastic! It gives me energy and joy, and it has renewed my faith in myself. You have my heartfelt thanks for Mindfit.
This app is really the answer to many problems that I’ve had my whole life. I often put myself in the “doghouse” and regret so many strange things I say and do to others. I often think, I am so odd … But now I have reversed this trend by focusing on good things.
How does it work?
People commonly find that by keeping track of positive events, negative thoughts and feelings are weakened – just by virtue of keeping track. This happens because you give yourself permission to shift your focus from the things you can’t manage to the things that you can. That gives you more room for other thoughts, and the negative thoughts and feelings shift more into the background.
Sometimes it can be difficult to get started finding positive experiences.
- Remember that small things count too. Don’t give up!
- Perhaps you made someone else happy, or you can record the things you like or appreciate – things that mean something to you.
We are often our own worst critics, and are the ones who set our own limitations. Keeping track of and recording what you have actually achieved will help give you more faith in yourself. Then you will see that you are good enough the way you are!